not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
