The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she pinky promised me she was 18
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
