she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
handjob tips. give me some.
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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