this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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