I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
