You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
