no, he came in my armpit
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
