pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
