shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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