$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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