I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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