There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
