GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize