What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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