If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
