You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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