i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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