My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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