So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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