I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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