my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
be right there i have to get my cape
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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