i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
