he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm just crazy horny about you
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
