I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
