oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
