No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
