Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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