just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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