Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
