idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
