woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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