how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
