I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How external is "for external use only"?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
