Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wish they made helmets for livers.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
