So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
