Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
