speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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