lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
