Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
