so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
