respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
His nipple licking is glorious
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