Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
