My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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