we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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