who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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