Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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