and you said cock pushups were impossible
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
