so that wasnt chicken after all
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
