I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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