Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
this boner is exhausting
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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