I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
