I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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