My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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