I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
