Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
