We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
