I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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